Monday, September 12, 2011

Time

I've been thinking lately about God living outside of time...how nice that must be.

I drive quite a bit each week (okay this is an understatement), and this week I caught a glimpse of my kids at all ages at once.  This probably doesn't make any sense the way I'm saying it, but as infants, kids, teens, adults, elderly...everything all at once.  I can't say exactly what it looked like, just that I regarded this momentless moment.  And I felt very big and transcendent...outside of time...at the same time I felt very small and part of a much bigger realm of time and space.  What does all this mean?  Well, I don't have time to contemplate it.  I've got a million billion pages to read and write before the next class. 

Week 3 of school and I already find myself out of whack.  Last week I could barely move because of a pinched nerve or something in my neck.  My magical friend fixed me up a bit with a LaStone massage.  If I've ever had a better lesson in intentionality, I can't recall.  Her body as an instrument of healing, the stones as extensions of herself, my body communicating its failures and needs...it all required intense involvement on her part and a deep letting go on my part.  I need more of this kind of lesson.  I am trying to find out how to appropriate it in other situations so I don't have to wait until my back's all jacked up to experience such healing intentionality. 

This week I have to make two trips to school, and this equates to about 16 hours in the car before I turn around and come back next week which is only two days later.  Time is racing in a way I never thought possible.  I have so much to do, in so many places, and all I really want to do is be still.  Driving gives me a chance to do that. I do a lot of sky-watching, thinking, and listening to audiobooks.  Today I saw a cloud resembling a person reclining, looking up into the sky beyond my sightline. What's up there, dude? I also saw a fat dinosaur and a baby chick.  I try to find a new way each week to be totally present. I may be flying through life at breakneck speed in 20 different directions, but I am going to find ways to be here now.  Right here.  Now.  Maybe that's a way I can live outside of time...at least in some small way.

Peace be with you.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Back from Retreat

My wonderful husband and I enjoyed a weekend together at a state park. We had a wonderful time resting, reading, relaxing and just enjoying how much we love each other. I know it's unbearably sweet, but we really are great together. My life is good.  I read a great book over the weekend: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, and I highly recommend it.  It was required reading for one of my classes this semester, but I read every word eagerly and can't wait to have time to look into more of her work.

I'm ready for the semester...I think.  Today marks the beginning of Week 2.  It's going to be a challenging one in terms of the quantity of reading and writing I'll be expected to do (not to mention driving).  I'm also immersed in a big fundraiser with my Jordan Essentials lotion bars and hope not to make a logistical nightmare for myself.  AND my new job as Children's Program Coordinator for a nearby church starts this week.  Going to be busy, but I'll take it a day at a time (with a wary eye on the other days marked down on my big wall calendar in the kitchen).  I have a sneaking suspicion the high school will track me down this week for subbing as well.  I've learned, however, that the scary thing is not that tomorrow is coming but that today is going.  I want to claim every today as worth living well.

Did I mention I love my husband?  Oh, and the kids, too.  As nice as it was to miss them for a couple days, I find myself missing them painfully on nights like this when I'm away at school and they're tucked in bed with Daddy.  Sleep well my loves...